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Monday, June 6, 2011

On motherhood...

Let me start by wishing my own mother a Happy Birthday. On this occasion, I am drawn to consider my own role as a mother and how that is ever changing. It almost feels as if, in going through this surgery, I'll be taking a break from mothering, a break I've never anticipated. Expectations are different from one person to the next, one age to another.

In light of that, I am forced to evaluate my own definition of motherhood. What do I expect of myself. What does my child expect of me. I speak of child in the singular because I feel I am four different mothers to four very different, very wonderful little girls each of whom has a unique bond with me. Ultimately, I am looking to isolate in my own estimation the essence of that bond, expectations and performance aside.

My only true point of reference in this esoteric exercise is my bond with my own mother. This is not an evaluation of our relationship. That has its own ups and downs, ins and outs, hits, misses, joy, pain, etc., being nothing more than the dramatization of the mother-child bond in its core. I just want to highlight the existence of that bond and thank the one person with whom I've had the longest unbroken connection of my life. I pray that my girls will feel the same continuity through the coming days.

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